With the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, planning and goal-setting may seem like another daunting task or a well-intended item on an unfinished to-do list. As parents, we aim to provide the best care and preparation for our children. Unfortunately, there is no manual. Our best guide is to recreate fond memories from childhood until they become traditions within our home, and the remaining journey is trial and error.
Parenting comes with an avalanche of emotions. One may feel like a hero, villain, foe, caregiver, counselor, advocate, bank teller, and more. A parent's role depends on the age and stage of your offspring. Parents may struggle with a balance between self-preservation and life. Here are five tips to assist any parent with setting goals for their child.
Lead by Example
I have heard many parents discuss their aspirations before birthing children. Your personal goals do not have to be a distant memory or an unattainable desire. Children model and follow what they see. I encourage you to be transparent with your child about your hopes and dreams.
The foundation of any healthy relationship is rooted in honesty. Begin goal-setting with your child by confessing your successes and failures. A willingness to be transparent presents your desire to do good, extend grace, behold mercy, and demonstrate perseverance. To our children, we may seem archaic, but there is value in sharing our journey. I urge you to resist trends in the media, and silence any voice that dares to present that children of today are different. Children of today are not different. They still need love, support, and guidance.
Set a goal.
Be honest when assisting your child with goal setting. Knowing your child's strengths and weaknesses is critical when setting realistic and attainable goals. No two children are alike. Therefore, if you have more than one child, their goals may differ. Goal setting has been a common practice in our household from prekindergarten through college.
When my oldest son was four years old, we reviewed his beginning, middle, and end-of-year progress reports together. As partners, we discussed how many letters he recognized and the sounds he produced. We set goals to work toward until his next report. Our process was successful, and I continued goal setting with my second son.
As my sons progressed through school, our goals materialized beyond academics to goals for life. Goal setting became the core of who we are and how we support, encourage, and hold each other accountable.
When my youngest son resolved to continue general classes into high school, his older brother was the one who stepped in and said, "Bruh [Brother], you know you can do better than that. You're not even trying. Challenge yourself. You know you can do it." His candid redirection was paramount and resounded better with my younger son than my direct, "No, sir" comment.
Provide weekly follow-up chats.
Consistency is prime, and habits develop over time. Weekly follow-up conversations do not need to be formal. As a point of reference, they should not be formal. Goal setting is an opportunity for you to build a relationship with your child and remain informed about the world around him or her. I have learned many interesting social facts during our weekly chats.
Your weekly chats are authentic opportunities to provide support and guidance to your child. Keep the energy light and free. You may choose to have a meeting while cooking dinner, talking about the events of the day, or riding in the car. Weekly chats are your planned gifts for your child. If you miss a week, don't fret. Pick up the following week and keep chatting.
Celebrate, elevate, and reflect.
As with any goal set, we expect to succeed. Celebrating your child is no different. Words of affirmation are boosters any child can grow to love. Dorina Sasson provides examples of words of affirmation that can be used to build children's confidence and self-esteem. Be sure to share your child's successes with others. This is an eminent reminder of success as a parent.
If your child does not reach his or her goal, do not ignore this chance to elevate. I encourage you to continue affirming your child. Allow him or her to identify factors that may have contributed to the area of elevation and possible next steps to accomplish the goal in the future.
If your child identifies a goal that is too lofty, allow him or her to set another goal. Refining goals is part of the reflection process. As a parent, continue to reflect on your child's strengths and weaknesses and support him/her as they develop a new goal. Goal-setting is not about perfection but about collective progress.
Take a back seat.
As a parent, it is hard to let go. The more we lead our children through goal-setting, the easier planning and reflecting will become for us and our children. There will be a change of guards.
As you observe your child beginning to lead conversations during weekly chats, allow him or her to do so. This is evidence of growth and increased autonomy. The balance of leadership in any relationship is beneficial. The more your child is able to experience success in leading, the more he or she is likely to experience increased self-confidence and awareness. Trust your child to lead. I assure you that all will be well with you as their guide.
Comments